Contacting Your Ex on Special Occasions

One of the most confusing parts of breaking up is knowing what is appropriate and what is not. Sure, one of you rejected the other. Still, you spent quality time together, shared your innermost thoughts and secrets, and cared for each other deeply. Even if things did not work out, does that mean you must cut all ties and act like a cold, unconcerned ex, even during the holidays?   

Contacting your ex may be alright in certain situations. First, you need to decide the social climate between you two. How much time has passed since the relationship ended? If it was really recent, tread carefully in holiday and special occasion territory. The last thing you want to do is send the wrong message. Emotions run high during a breakup. If yours was particularly ugly and very recent, you may want to forgo the gift giving.  This is especially true if it is a general holiday, like Christmas. If it is more personal, such as a birthday, you may want to send a very basic card, but avoid much beyond that. 

No matter what the occasion, be very careful to choose gifts that cannot be misinterpreted. There are certain items that are usually considered for lovers only. These may have been acceptable when you were dating your ex, but things have changed. A bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates may be taken as an attempt to win their favor, rather than as a good will gift. Save these items for your next significant other and choose something less lovey-dovey for your ex.  

If you feel sending something is alright, then keep it simple. Do not spend exorbitant amounts of money or choose something that is meant to impress them.  A simple card should suffice. Keep the message short as well. Do not go on and on about your past relationship or how much you miss them. Do not try to conjure up memories of past years when you spent Christmas or Easter or whatever the current holiday is together. This will sound obsessive and desperate. Instead, choose a neutral card that sends a simple happy whatever-the-occasion message.  Let them know you are being thoughtful but not obsessively thoughtful.  

Cards tend to be an easy option, even easier than calling your ex. With a wide variety to choose from, you can get something with a preprinted message that only requires you to add your name and his or hers. Plus, unlike other methods of contacting your ex to send well wishes, this one requires no awkward conversations but still gets your kind message across. 

Valentine’s Day can be a tricky animal when calling an ex or choosing a gift.  This holiday is generally reserved for lovers, although toned-down cards are usually available.  In most cases, your best bet is to forgo the Valentine’s Day well wishes all together. Save it for less lover-themed holidays and leave the mushy hearts and teddy bears to their current flame (or let them go without this year). 

Holidays can really complicate a breakup situation. Understand when to contact an ex during these festive times. Be careful you do not overdo it with gifts and often you best bet is to avoid calling your ex. Cards work wonders to send your message across without getting more involved than you should. Just keep it simple and you can get through the holidays without any misunderstandings. 

By Gene Alias   

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