Beyond Repair: How to Win Your Ex Back Even if You Think it is Your Fault

In some breakup situations, one side may feel more to blame. While this may be valid in some cases, such as when cheating was involved, most of the time it is false. A relationship takes two people to work. What most people forget is that it also takes two people to fail. If you want to figure out how to win your ex back, first you must understand why you are in this position in the first place.   

You cannot truly grasp what caused the breakup until you have had some time to think and consider the problems. That means you should allow some time apart. While you do not have to go out of your way to avoid your ex, make sure you are also not going out of your way to see them. For a period of time, you may want to stop communication. If they want to initiate contact, let them, however do not do so yourself.  

Perhaps you made some poor decisions in the hopes of winning back your ex. Maybe while in a drunken stupor, you filled the inbox with text messages or left long tear filled voice mails on their cell phone. As soon as you take one look at them you burst into tears, pleading for a second chance and apologizing until you are blue in the face.  Now they will not even go near you and all communication has come to a halt. 

Realize, you may have frightened them away. They wanted time and you instead tried to move in closer, begging for an audience. This pressure can make them turn away rather than move closer to you. If you are serious about getting an ex back, then you must face up to your mistakes. Do not harp on them, but make sure they do not happen again. 

Your best bet is to cut off communication and allow some distance. You were crowding them before, now they should have plenty of room to move. Do not pressure them into seeing someone else just to get you off their back. Instead, let them simmer in your silence. Eventually, they will wonder what you are up to these days and how you have been. This will also allow more time for them to consider things and recall the good memories. By getting in their face and being obsessive, you may only remind them of the bad, anyway. 

Your sudden confidence and lack of neediness may intrigue them further. Strangely, distance may help you when getting back together with an ex. They may want to know what has changed that you are suddenly not obsessing. Perhaps they will also worry a little and question whether they have made the correct decision. Now that you are no longer moping on their front stoop, or intentionally popping up everywhere they go, they may wonder if you are seeing someone else.  This will put a sense of urgency in their minds to make sure that they truly want to lose you. 

Getting back with an ex requires a lot of patience.  Take your time and let them wonder what you have been up to. Avoid obsessive calls, texts or appearances and keep emotions in check when you encounter your ex.  Believe it or not, that distance may end up bringing you closer to a second chance. 

By Gene Alias   

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