Is Contact After Breakup Ok?

Perhaps one of the most controversial pieces of relationship break up advice out there is whether or not you should contact your ex once your time together has ended. After all, he or she decided to call it quits, so how could speaking help? If you are in the process of saving a relationship, you may feel differently.

Each situation is different and will require different lengths of time for each side to recover. If the event was very emotional, the no contact rule after a break up is probably a good start. It will be too distracting for you to sort your thoughts and clear your mind so that you can plan your next move if you are constantly “running into” you ex or trying to text or otherwise chat with them. Give things time to settle down and tempers time to cool off. Besides, have you truly thought long and hard about the long-term future? You may be hurting now, but are you sure you won’t be hurting more later should you get back with this person?

On the other hand, if you were the one doing the breaking, why do you feel the need to contact your ex-significant other? Do you feel it was a mistake or have you figured things out and decided you do want them in your life? Be sure before making any move to communicate with your possibly scorned ex-lover. It may only make things worse if you say things you don’t mean, or things you don’t mean to say. Sometimes the best way to deal with relationship breakups is through silence.

The silence does not have to be permanent, though. Even if things do not work out, in time, you will both grow and get over it. Perhaps there will be the opportunity to be friends later on. However, for right now, that is a million miles away. You are still coping with a breakup and are in no position to strike up a friendship.

If you took the relationship very seriously, you should also take the breakup seriously. Do no act childish or vengeful. Instead, figure out what went wrong and try to fix it. Even if you do not wind up together again, your next date may appreciate the personal repairs you made.  Do some thinking and use that newfound free time to do something you have always wanted. Improve your abilities by learning a new language or taking a class you always wanted to take. Getting over a breakup can be hard, but the busier you are, the easier it will become.

Not to mention, all those new and exciting things you fill your time with will help keep your mind off the person you lost. There is no end all hand book on how to deal with a breakup.  That does not mean you must go in blind. Prepare for the coming weeks and months. Learn about why contact after break up can be a bad thing and why allowing a little communication silence can possibly mean saving a relationship!

By Gene Alias   

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